“Drink up, baby, stay up all night. With the things you could do,

You won’t but you might. The potential you’ll be that you’ll never see…”

For years I saw that while under the control of alcohol, those who wanted me only for my body did not care what happened to me mentally. There was only a tight circle of people that I foolishly trusted, who would demonstrate their love of me with alcohol to keep me where they wanted. Alcohol indeed clouded my focus with a false sense of self, and my confidence in life is questionable, but I can do anything I can with practice and be good at it.

I heard this song within a television show that portrayed a character struggling with profound loss. Within those emotions, someone who claimed to love them manipulated them to keep repeating the same habits to be what their captor wanted them to be—trapped in a prison of their creation where they could not escape. The sinking feeling that I felt, realizing that that was my living scenario, was very unpleasant. It still fucking is.