He Came Too Soon
Well, this whole fucking thing is just strange and I am in disbelief that I wrote it. The facts are as listed: I did not become pregnant in 2002. I oddly predicted a my first being a boy since my body probably rejects girls in every aspect. My fears of being single parent was real but something I would happily embrace today. I did have a miscarriage and it was painful more than anything and I would have killed myself if I already didn’t have a child, so there it is. The truth.
Pop open the champain!
Hand out the cigars!
I’m having a baby boy!
He wasn’t a mistake
He wasn’t an accident
He came too soon
In the beginning, I
Oblivious to the signs
Forgetting
Where he had came from in the first place
Weeks and finally months went by
The pounds added on and I didn’t know
He wasn’t a mistake
He wasn’t an accident
He came too soon
What in the name?
Is it the ‘D’ that makes it sounds so offical?
The ‘A’ and then the D-D-Y that come after
I know resonsablity, too bad he didn’t
He wasn’t a mistake
He wasn’t an accident
He came too soon
Single
Alone, all by myself
Just me and my soon to come lifetime company
But the signs didn’t seem right
I read and read
But it just didn’t add up
He wasn’t a mistake
He wasn’t an accident
He came too soon
Nightmares
Constant nightmares
Barren and alone
No love but my own
A love that would just as fast turn into hate
Into fear
Into death
Into me
He wasn’t a mistake
He wasn’t an accident
He came to soon
The sun sets
These days, sooner and sooner to bed
In the night
I feel it
I feel a strong and painful cramp
I wait patiently
Hoping it was just a kick
But this wasn’t a kick
I was in labor
But it’s only been five months
Oh God, why?
He wasn’t a mistake
He wasn’t an accident
He came too soon
Strong and stubborn
I walked to the nearest hospital
My luck, a couple of blocks away
Strung out from the pain
I collapse in the ER
I could hear the voices,
But not my own
He wasn’t a mistake
He wasn’t an accident
He came too soon
It felt like minutes
But it was hours
The doctors were able to help
But not the help I wanted
He didn’t have to say anything
Not a word
The frown
The glassed eyes
And his saddend brow said everything
My baby…
He wasn’t a mistake
He wasn’t an accident
He came too soon.
DiRtY, August 19, 2002