Exorcising Demons With ID! Days 751 to 800
Day 751
Crawling out of bed to do 5 minutes of work can’t be considered bad. I’m proud that I can accomplish at least that much. Thankfully today will be quiet in the office, not like I get much work done any way.
Day 752
It’s only been a few weeks and I have a feeling that I’ll be wanting more out of the exercises I’m doing. I don’t want to be jumping or any of that shit, but I want to feel what I felt in the beginning. Maybe I need to do more. And in some other things, I need to do less.
Day 753
It’s dumb ass valentines day.
I did my workout, which is psychologically mandatory, and then dressed in my sweater of shame for the day. I’m very glad it turned out to be tame. The most I got it from were customers on the phone, which was weird, but better than face to face. Something was given, not exchanged, but given. It felt like I was passing along a cursed totem to a naive victim. You never know.
Day 754
More smiles than usual. That’s because the voices in my head are telling better jokes about me.
Today was better than yesterday. and tomorrow will be even better with it ending early because of our dirty dick rulers from long, long ago.
Day 755
I fucked up. I didn’t get up. This time, on purpose.
I didn’t feel like it, okay? If I missed one 40-minute workout, it won’t be the end of the world. Besides, today was short, so I wanted to enjoy the shortness without wasting time. One of the best parts was finally getting gyoza, after many false promises. The night ended with my eyes closed as always.
Day 756
It snowed again today for some reason.
Without having to rush, I was able to sufficiently clean parts of the house I could feel l could clean while taking my time. I washed the clothes I told myself I would wash yesterday and did my hair in half the time I would have if I were to leave it for tomorrow. I’m slated to read and put some pieces of my puzzle together. Relax today because I won’t tomorrow. Or the day after that.
Day 757
I couldn’t sleep in as I had intended and anticipated. A sudden sinus episode left me out for the count but I had to go out and get food that was made for us by a sympathetic outsider. I made use of my time outside. My 3-day weekend is an illusion of lies. It is not a time to rest.
Day 758
Whelp, might as well.
Since I knew my day was going to be fucked, I made good use of my time and exercised on my off day. The theme of the day consists of being busy so I might as well start it out that way. I have the feeling that the week is going to be like watching a car crash in slow motion.
Day 759
Blame it on the cold. Blame it on internal forces.
I dragged out of bed and barely made the time to workout this morning. Not feeling too well in a few categories but I think I know what’s going on. I need an escape and it’s nowhere in sight at the moment. Spending the majority of the time reading is consuming my mind in an adverse way. I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone episode, “Time Enough At Last” and I just broke my glasses.
Day 760
Too much time has passed for me to rightfully recall this days events. From how things followed through the week, I may have gotten up and did something. I know I fucked up somewhere along the line.
Day 761
And today was one of those days.
I looked ahead, knew how long it would be, and sat it out. Honestly, I’ve been tired. So many things are going on in my head that I’ve put working out on a standstill. I’ve got my sights on a dumb machine for doing squats, but I’m waiting it out so I can buy it with gift cards and points.
Place your bets now on how tomorrow is going to end up.
Day 762
Well, you’re one lucky motherfucker if you guessed I didn’t do shit. I made a half-assed promise to myself that I’d make up the missed days and do something for the weekend. I’m howling.
Work could be less shitty. We lost a real one today who is moving on to bigger and better things. Had drinks after work and was out for the count as usual when I got home. Not as bad as other times but fuck. Prep smarter!
Day 763
The recovery from yesterday wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I was a tiny bit lazy bones, but I did some heavy-duty shit today. I wish I could have done none of that and watched Avatar The Last Airbender instead with the kids. That show turns me into a mess, though.
Day 764
It’s just another regular Sunday to report. I got up late intending to start the day mid-day shopping. That got done with a slight hiccup in the beginning, and now the evening quickly approaches for me to prepare for another fucking week of work. Tomorrow will be a bright and early start with the routine I skipped last week. Wish me fucking luck.
Day 765
I made sure to do what I said I was going to do toady. It wasn’t so bad because all was quiet on the western front. Fucking Monday though. I’ve been stuck on watching a live action show of a beloved animated series, and it’s very good. I’m getting my fill of Asian eye candy so can’t complain. I broke down and bought something dumb to go with my home gym, if you could call it that. I’m trying everything I can to get to the size that gives me a discount at the coffin store.
Day 766
Well, I didn’t get up for shit today. I put it in my head that today is my off day since I put in that time yesterday, which was a make up day for the day or days I missed last week. Look, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I’m just making it up as I go along. The day at work fucking sucked ass. It was a tense energy in the air, this is almost always expelled by one person, and it was not pleasant at all. I tried passing parts of the day listening to last weeks podcast, mainly to hear what movie we’re doing tomorrow. I think I know, but I don’t want to ask. I’ll learn one day.
Day 767
Not a damn thing was got to this morning. Last night we binged three 3-hour episodes, so I focused more on rest that I lost by going to bed so late. I considered heavily on working out but I sharply changed my mind. The rest of my routines are longer than twenty minutes and I know how early I’ve got to get up to get those done. I am stuck in a pattern where I need to this before I do that. The week the kids were out of school spoiled things. It gave me one less thing to do in the morning but it did it’s harm. All I want to do is hump on this hump day.
Day 768
I didn’t get up at all to do a goddamn thing. I think it’s out of pure excitement or the fact that the night before I took too much edibles that I wasn’t in any shape to do anything other than get up and do the regular stuff. Yeah, let’s just go with that. It’s suprising that I say this because I was the most focused I have ever been in a while. It felt like a balance was momentarily restored. Nothing like being knocked down from a pre-fixed high.
Day 769
I was in that mood again. Not wanting to do a damn thing mood again. My machine comes in today, so I have a new focus to work on. A glute and quad focus that will either do me good or more harm than I intend to cause myself. Like everything else, I cause to harm myself. Tonight’s recording was draining, like the couple’s marriage in the movie we talked about.
Day 770
The weekend is welcomed, even with all the rain. Not much to say about this day other than it’s here and I’m making use out of it as much as possible. It’s a weekend filled with hours of wrestling, something I look so forward to. Putting together my squat machine was cool too. I’ll get to that Monday when I don’t have the little monkies crawling all over me to give it a try and hurt themselves on.
Day 771
Well, today is the day. The day I ruined for myself and went shopping when I could have laid in bed all day until the Revolution PPV started. Luckily, it was a nice day out but still no reason to get up and do shit. There will be other nice days I’ll have to face without wanting to.
Day 772
Okay, I did it.
I made it out of bed and did my little 5 minute Row-and-Ride routine that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I lowered the resistance significantly to not overdo my first time on the fucking thing. The one thing that sucks is that I have to put the time in to stretch and cool down. I’m not going to do any of that shit. Well, this is great as an every-other-day thing. So that means the bitch is back tomorrow!
Day 773
Yesterday’s first time session with the new machine was good. The day after results were not what I expected. In all honesty, I expected to be in more of the good pain. Instead I have no pain at all, which is good. But where are my gains? I didn’t want to go hard out of the gate and end up hurting myself but I could have given myself more resistance. Next time, maybe.
Today’s workout had a surprise guest: weights! Fuck. It wasn’t as terrible as I predicted it would be. Some light squats came into the mix to remind me that my wing flats are in the making.
Day 774
Holy shit.
I knew it was going to be a long video today, so I was partly prepared for the ass-kicking session I had this morning. My muscles were screaming afterward, and it felt so good. I look forward to the walk to work to warm them all up again. Tonight will be thoroughly enjoyed with rest and wrestling.
Day 775
A late start and an unexpected shower was my morning, along with the known 31 minutes I needed to take to get moving for the day. I like that I’m rotating the days not to feel stuck doing all one thing for too long. Weekends are still optional for both regimens, but it all will depend on how much time I have and how I feel. Tonight I record about a movie I haven’t seen since I was a teenager. With two sons of my own, it was hard to watch but it was wonderfully acted by the entire cast.
Day 776
Hard getting up as usual. I’m getting tired of getting up early.
At the same time, I need to do it to improve. Do I want to get better? I do. I know I do. That’s why I do what I do in the mornings. ‘What is this all for?’ question pops its ugly head in now and again to make me think and feel different about the bullshit that doesn’t essentially matter. I want flats, so I have a machine that will help me get them. It’s only been one week, and I’m questioning reality. Nothing is real. It’s all in my mind, and it always has been.
I did the first video I tried on Day 1, which was 5 minutes with all of the bands on. It definitely is more challenging and something I look forward to being accustomed to in terms of holds and pulses. All in due time. Fucking time.
Day 777
Rainy and cold. The last days of “winter” are here. Nothing much will be done but sleep in as late as I can, clean what can be cleaned, cook up food for my dinner only during fasting week, and wrestle. I considered exercising, but I don’t want to hurt myself by getting too swole. I’ve been down that route and still have the traps to show for it. Today kicks off an hour-long well-to-do activity that the kids could get into instead of their faces being glued to their tablets. I shouldn’t say ‘kids’ when only one kid is doing it. It’s only the beginning.
Day 778
Losing an hour isn’t as bad as you think it is.
Losing an hour for the rest of the world renders so many asinine reactions. I’ve blacked out. Those are hours I can never get back. I can’t complain about something I have no memory of. Sundays are the days when I can take as much time as I need not to be needed. Until I need to go shopping, consider cooking (more), and do my weekly stupid pampering of this body that doesn’t matter to anyone but me. The tasks that I needed to get done got done. The kids and I got to watch a movie in 2012; I never thought I’d end up seeing it, but having cool kids encourages me to try new things sometimes.
Day 779
What a bitch!
I was ready to go at 4 AM, but nothing was done until 5 AM. I knew what I was going to face, and it had me all warmed up and ready to go for the day. Too bad the day is windy as all fuck, causing my now warmed-up body to shiver from the cold that cut through me like a scaple. My knees are saved immensely from this machine versus doing stationary and weighted squats. At some point, I am going to include my weighted vest to make things harder on myself and all the people who get to look and not touch this sweet thang. Who am I kidding? No one is looking at me but old-ass men who can tell I’m a cougar. Fucking gross.
Tomorrow is Mime Girl, with almost an hour of work set to begin my morning. You’ll be the first to know if I don’t get up at 4 on the DOT.
Day 780
I don’t even have to say it.
Blame it on the time change. Blame it on depression. Blame it on anything else but me.
Sometimes, this happens. I don’t want it to be like it was in the past, where I would do a day here, a day there. Get into this slump and have to come up with another plan to do something with sometimes nothing and other times with equipment. I think it’s because the routine is an hour long, and I don’t want to exercise for an entire hour at 4 in the morning at this time. I’m following a strict pattern and holding myself accountable for it. Once I get it done, then I won’t feel like the piece of shit that I know I am and then move on. My mind isn’t ready to do anything that’s longer than half an hour, even if it takes no effort on my part than to copy everything that’s being done on the screen. It’s mindless when my mind is on other things. Like how much of a disgusting fat cunt that I am while listening to Bradbury.
Day 781
Nothing is more important than willpower. The motions we have to all go through to appear normal, fit, healthy, and well put together are beginning to slip from my fingers like an extended hand covered in oil and tacks. Gripping so tightly to hold on to the pain and agony that comes from letting go. I woke at 4 but laid in bed until 5:15, did the Ride-and-Row for about 10 minutes, and continued my morning damp from sweat and disappointment. I couldn’t help but feel like I was forgetting something as I was getting ready to leave. As I arrived at work, I realized what it was. My ability to hide my emotions. It’s going to be one of those days.
Day 782
Nothing was done but lie in bed awake and hit the snooze button on my alarm.
Ultimately, I don’t feel like I’m not getting anything done because I get up to do stuff. Just not workout stuff. Look, that fucking 50-minute video got me not wanting to do shit. I honestly don’t want to do the rowing machine five days a week out of fear that I’ll hurt myself in some way. Maybe reducing the number of bands could help, but I will go hard no matter what. I’m a dumb bitch like that.
Day 783
Same shit, different day. Even though today is the rowing machine, I fucking bitched out and stayed in bed. I’m tired, though. Not exhausted but tired. The day will be a day like any other, minus my sweet treat at the end.
Day 784
I looked forward to this day to do what I do best! Clean and fucking gripe about it. It was an excellent day to do it. I got the kids involved, and they even unearthed some toys they forgot about to play with once again. It also taught them the importance of not holding on to things and putting them in a higher regard than people and experiences. They see both ends of the spectrum with me and that other thing. Shit was taken out, that’s for sure. All I need to do for the rest of the evening is wait for wrestling to come on. Oh, happy day!
Day 785
And what a fucking happy day it was! Last night’s show was great. I watched it again with the kids while we ate steak dinner. I almost got the shopping bug in me until I realized that the list wasn’t that big of a deal and could wait another day. Not like I didn’t do any shopping; my phone can be a dangerous thing when I’m bored as all fuck. I got myself a cute dress for like 85% off, so fuck you.
Day 786
It’s a new week, so it’s time for a reset. I’m set to do whatever minutes of the Row-n-Ride I can; no matter what the hell it is, it’s getting done.
I picked the next video in the playlist, and it was a guy this time. The routine was more rigid than I’d already done because it involved pistol squats. I tried but could only do a few. I can’t do them without a machine, so why did I think this would be easier? Because I’m a dumb bitch, that’s why.
Anyway, I have a short day today because the kids have a dental appointment. I know what the news will be. They have teeth.
Day 787
It was weird only taking a half-day. I didn’t want to be home, clearly. But I made it a day! I did the mime girl this morning; glad I’m back on her short video bullshit because it’s a great break from the squats. I did over or close to 250 squat variations. No pain has come to me yet, which is a good thing on many levels, but it could also creep up on me. I’m not griping about it too much because all that work yesterday was worth it. I got a Paris Baguette and ate my entire non-fasting food from there. It was sugar upon sugar, and it was delightful. Tomorrow, I will be back on that squatting bullshit to squeeze all that sugary goodness out of me.
Day 788
I haven’t been saying this much, but getting up in the morning is still getting more challenging. The cold snap is back after a few beautiful days, allergies are kicking in, and it’s so much fun to be a human right now. I’m on my meds, and hopefully, they’ll do what they need to do in due time. I got up and did my squats, and it delivered like it had been since I got it. I’m going hard and keeping the resistance in the most robust setting. I should ease up to make it feel harder in the future. I’ll consider it.
Tonight was a very special night of wrestling that ended up being 3 hours long because it was Collison and Rampage together on the same network! So I passed in and out of the show, barely paying any attention to anything because of how put out I’ve been feeling from these allergies. I am thankful that I recorded the show, so I’ll get to watch that over the weekend. From what I remember, it was a great show. Lots of sweaty tits out.
Day 789
Another day, this time a windy as all fuck one. I got up and did my girly thing without fail. Since I have been getting up later, based on my eating schedule, I have also been leaving the house later. I don’t like this because it takes me more time than I’m comfortable sharing in the morning. I doubt I’ll make any changes. No stress is coming to me from this. All I look forward to is sleep and not doing a damn thing when I get home.
Day 790
Late! Late! Late!
Got up super fucking late this morning, so late that I still managed to do all the bullshit I do in the morning. This time, we did crunches and deadlifts using the machine. Nothing crazy, but with me and the maximum resistance on the machine, I can’t feel shit but motherfucking gains.
Last night was a shit show of me just not wanting to do a damn thing after coming home from work. I sat around in my work clothes until 8. The kids and I didn’t eat anything until 9, and then it was bedtime. I was high, just a little, but I’m usually on my shit really quick to end the day relaxed. Tonight will be completely different. Nothing is to be done. Not a damn thing.
Day 791
Hanging around, nothing to do but frown.
I slept well over the usual alarms that I had set and the kids missed an activity that could have been well spent away from the tablet. There are other days left for it, so nothing is lost in missing a day. It’s raining and all there is to do is clean, which I did plenty of. More things I need to go through to throw out. At least I’m making progress. There’s no wrestling tonight so the boys and I will have to spend it watching a movie instead. Which movie? Only the Gods know.
Day 792
Today is the complete opposite of yesterday’s shit weather. I didn’t have plans on doing so, but I went ahead and shopped for shit. I needed an upgrade in my closet, so I got a smart TV so I don’t have to keep my dumb laptop on all the time and watch, or at least try to watch programs on it without issues. As busy as the day was, I felt like I got all the things I needed to get done before the work week began like the crying bitch in heat like it is. Tomorrow is the Row-and-Ride. I honestly can’t wait.
Day 793
For some reason, I felt like I got zero sleep and just lied in bed unconscious. I tossed and turned and could not be at ease. I did my usual dumb ass snooze button jive and got up after 5 AM. I knew the routine wasn’t going to be any longer than 20 minutes so I knew what I was fucking with. I purposely took it down a notch and lessened my resistance. It was still good and felt all of it. Luckily I get to walk home after work to make up the partial walk to work this morning. I’m on some loser shit, I don’t even want to say. It’ll all be straightened out in time.
Day 794
The waking up later thing is a thing. I just don’t want to get the fuck up. I get the work I need to get done but I just don’t want to get up early enough to not rush. Essentially I am not rushing. I know how long something is going to take me and then I plan things accordingly the night before. It’s a short week for the kids, obviously not for me. With my days rotating from the machine to monkey-see-monkey-do, it’s turning into a rest phase on these days. I still am doing some work, sweating and shit, but It’s not doing 100+ squats on a machine type sweat. I’ll get my fix tomorrow.
Day 795
Up late, rowed my ass off. This morning’s workout was good, as good as it could be. How I manage the time is key. I get the most out of it when I’m not rushing and taking my time. It’s Wednesday, I mean, fuck. How good of a day can it be?
Day 796
It’s Mime-girl day!
The snooze button has been getting more of a workout than me lately. My alarm is even acting weird or I’m just not feeling the very first alarm go off at 4 AM. I’m pushing the limits and tossing around in bed well after 5 AM when it really makes no sense getting up to do anything. That’s the logic I tell myself. Then I realize that I’m only doing 20 minutes of work and have no excuse to not do it. The intermittend fasting that I’m doing is working very well and I am losing inches, along with some pounds. I recently bought new pants, and already they’ve begun to feel loose. It’s a great feeling to see all my hard work pay off but I’m piling up on clothes that are ill fitting. Once again I will need to go through my closet and take them to the donation bin. Oh, what fun!
Day 797
Today was the latest I’ve gotten up all week. Mostly because the kids don’t have school and I don’t have to wake them up before I need to leave. I did my little thang on the Row-N-Ride and made it out my usual late ass time. Thankfully, today is a short day for Good Friday. Not great that when I get home that I’ll have to clean as if today is Saturday because tomorrow I’m going to be swamped with other shit that I won’t get anything that’s chore related done. *Sitting in the middle of a room on fire* This is fine.
Day 798
Holiday weekends can be challenging to want to do anything. The day before was critical, so today is even more so. The usual cleaning was done to be ready for the day’s guest. The remainder of the day will be spent in la-la land.
Day 799
Rest. Rest. Rest.
All I can do today is rest. I could clean it, but the level of cleaning I want is impossible. So nothing to do today but watch TV and fucking gripe.
Day 800
A day off for the kids, but not for me!
I got up and did whatever Beighle or Rahleh or whatever the fuck her name is, and she’s a good Row-N-Ride instructor, aside from me not knowing her name. The game is the same; I need to go heavier eventually. Hopefully, today will be an okay day in general. I don’t know what’s ahead; I know I’m not getting any.
Exorcising Demons With ID