Exorcising Demons With ID! Days 301 to 350

Day 301

Nothing out of the ordinary happens on days like these. And for that, I am glad.

Welcome to the weekend when I always wake up with a damn headache.

Day 302

Besides being proud that I didn’t wake up with a headache, I also woke up at a more reasonable time than yesterday. It made gulping down a liter and a half of water easier than I thought.

Whom am I kidding? Everyone knows I’m thirsty as hell.

Day 303

It’s the beginning of a short week that ends with Thanksgiving break, leaving me on a high note for a large percentage of that time. I will need to improvise and make it hurt with the days they are out and not walking.

The assisted leg is stretching, and the hip opening movements are doing me well. I can move a little better than usual and determine my stiffness in certain spots. The Tabata squats are on day 5 of 21, with a rest tomorrow. They’re hard, but my ass doesn’t look it.

Day 304

It’s difficult not to want to snail my ass out of bed; it felt awesome to be under the warm covers, not doing a fucking thing. But I must. This isn’t the 50s where the kids were born to be self-sufficient by 3, so I did what I must do each morning – stretch and all that shit and then get the kids off to school. My walks back were sometimes accompanied by an audiobook, podcast, or music, but I decided that a J for my thoughts was in order. I dicked around instead of sleeping as I wanted to and completed tasks.

This is the 6th day of hip mobility movements and I, for once relieved of dumb-ass knee pain. The further I go, it’s guaranteed I’m becoming the best I can be.

Day 305

The pre-show to Thanksgiving is here; honestly, it hasn’t given for years.

Days like these don’t have the same meaning they did when I was younger when the significance of being thankful was evident and not as cynical or mute. I am grateful for a long list of things on the surface. Within me is a hole with no bottom that I’ve lined knick-knacks, books, drawings, and memories of lifeforms I’ve bonded and withdrawn from. It gets tiring walking along the edge of it and not falling in.

I have two reasons to be here. Although it is against my selfish wishes, they are worth it until my last breath.

The end of November and the beginning of December will be the start of something new. I haven’t had anything planned out, but I know I will tire of my current routine shortly because of its mediocrity.

Day 306

Slow start to a semi-long day of cooking.

I didn’t put myself out by making too many dishes that no one would eat a second day. Entirely is what it is today, and that’s the way I like it sometimes.

The strap I got to stretch out my legs more is going well, and hip mobility movements make deep squats easier to manage. The multiple repetitions of simple bodyweight squats regain my focus on positioning my feet and where all the ass belongs within the up and down motions.

Day 307

I know I am my own worst enemy.

I dreamt of something last night that I quickly forgot. So to help me remember, I drank my water, exercised, and cried nonstop throughout the morning and afternoon hours.

I have no issues with focus. It’s my purpose and struggles to connect with other beings’ realities. Everyone is better off without me for a few months. Postcards sent to the edge will be returned to sender; I have no stationary in hell.

Day 308

Weekends during long school breaks are a confusing time for me.

I could do what I usually do during an available weekday or lie in bed and sleep in silence. It’s too early in the morning to do anything productive, and I wouldn’t want to read, write, knit, clean, watch TV, or do anything that would be a feast to my senses: warmth and stillness. I could have made a fantastic moth.

More of the same as yesterday, minus the crying. Performing the actions later in the day feels good and unhasty as it would earlier in the morning. Soon I will have to decide upon a more sweat-inducing routine that doesn’t take time away from something else. I would love to cycle, but it’s placed in a visually unappealing and crowded space that infuriates me even to be in. It’s a great workout, and I would see results. Heavily considered.

Day 309

My diet, as of late, has become challenged and sour due to my lack of preparation. The meal prepping I had done in the past did help me get on track to a balanced diet. As expected, after a while, I developed fatigue with the recipes and flavors I prepared. I barely remember to snack on fruits during the day. Water and caffeine seem to be all I can remember to consume to perform basic tasks.

Yesterday was a real stomach-turner for me. I couldn’t do much during the second half of the day, and I couldn’t even do my squats. I made up for that today, but the pain passed later in the evening. It’s important not to skip meals!

Day 310

I was up and at ’em this morning.

It starts a very long period of no scheduled days off until winter recess. I didn’t do my usual dicking around, contemplating the vast depths of the universe and wondering why I was sweating so damn much.

All movements were performed in ample time to mindlessly scroll through shopping apps to buy absolutely nothing before the kids woke up.

Day 311

Another day of the temperature plunging to an expected Fahrenheit after a day of unnatural warmth is something I should be used to by now.

I am glad to be used to waking up early in the morning and functioning like a decent version of myself. My mind wanders during the timed intervals I use to stretch. Hip-opening tutorials will end tomorrow, and I will begin with something more sweat-inducing.

No better perfect time to start than at the beginning of the month.

Day 312

The end of the month doesn’t always come with challenges, but when they do arise, I am ready.

Today was the final day of hip extensions, and tomorrow begins something new. What that is, I am still determining. I’ve explored a few alternatives that will be performed on TV.

I’m ready!

Day 313

I never cease to be amazed by how emphatically crazy I am.

First of all, fuck what that scale said. I pushed out one of the largest recalescent feculence so far this year, and it didn’t even make a difference. I walked funny and had lower back pain for part of the morning for it to say “TEWOHTEW.”

I am not complaining. Aside from the relief, all the things I’ve been doing have been working just as they should. I haven’t gained any weight; my goal has been accomplished. Tabata squats are past the halfway point of completion, and I have yet to choose any fitness routines but continue to pull my legs every which way but loose.

Day 314

Sometimes I wonder if I was destined for another occupation in life. A primary focus in life, that isn’t a surrogate activity.

As the two days I am allowed off approach; I feel like this is not the end of my whirlwind week of forced anxiety due to childlike naivete. Tabata squats are just about a week away from being booty-slammed, and I still haven’t gotten down to picking a guided exercise routine.

Day 315

I said GHATDAHAM!

I do everything to myself on purpose to see how things end up. All things do eventually come to an end, thankfully.

There are only a few days left in the year, and everything will work out in time.

Day 316

Another un-lazy Sunday.

Early to rise today, for I have a belated dinner to prepare for. Trimmings from last week’s Thanksgiving celebration will be at a chain restaurant today, and it’s a good break from the usual routine in the house, so I welcome it and its selected appetizers.

After the week I had, I was restless in my waiting moments and could complete the tasks I had in mind yesterday. All I needed to do this morning was stretch; with a break from Tabata squats and only four days to go, I look forward to what I’ll do next.

Day 317

As the last days of 2022 come to a close, within the cold crisp air of winter is when you smell the shit hitting the fan the hardest.

After a sweaty morning of squats, I was off to do what was needed for the day. Nothing else would be gotten to besides light shopping and my usual insanity.

Day 318

The day was grey and soggy as I stayed home with a snot-nosed sniffles monster. He was in good spirits being home for the day, bored out of his mind. I was going through a sense of dread and misfortune. Even so, the power of my body over my mind prevailed.

I have two more days for Tabata squats with no other alternative to take its place. Should I rest?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Day 319

Nothing new to write about, as far as sharing anyway.

The Tabata squats are one day away from being 100 percent done. It was 21 days of work that I feel the results from. The noticeable weight loss and gain of muscle are evident now. Also, the weather being unseasonably warmer than it should have me sweating bullets, adding to my fat-burning energy.

Day 320

Tabata is one and done!

Due to recent life events, my exploration into other exercise modes is at a short pause. My diet is poor and limited by sensory defensiveness, and I need to reattain my focus on eating better when I have already gotten the staying-in-shape thing down.

Day 321

Nothing to report but memory loss. Daily journaling is tough. Have you tried it?

Day 322

Saturday in the park, I think it was the Fourth of July.

No, it’s the middle of December. Nothing new, but trying this thing I heard called “relaxing.” I think it’s bullshit. It’s the same thing everyone thought climate change was too.

Day 323

As the days get colder and the year soon comes to a close, moments in life can lead to deep reflection, like traveling to the Bronx to find automated teller machines that don’t exist due to regional poverty.

I am as bitter as the weather and taste the same too.

Day 324

First frosting of the year!

There’s nothing to shovel or put salt out on the floor for but enough to make it feel like the season designated for this time of the year.

The past few days have been hectic on my body and mind. I miss the attention-grabbing validating nonsense that Instagram would give me at a moment’s notice from time to time, but my break from it has been long and will be longer.

Day 325

My updating of my exorcising has been on hiatus.

This day and a week forward, I have not taken a moment to write about my demonic experiences with fitness. A recent turn of events has shifted my attention to other things that were felt were within my control but have spiraled with irreversible effects.

My diet has fallen into a deep depression of only water and fruit, resulting in a sharp drop in my weight.

Day 326

The ides of the week came and went with all my sanity.

Day 327

Cold and wet days are not fun when you have to go outside in it.

Day 328

Today came with the relief that my troubles will finally be over. The stain of my misjudgment is here to stay, regardless of the results.

The daily stretching I performed in the mornings has been done every other day. I can do them every day, and I need to do them daily not to feel as stiff and achy. With the recent weather, my poor diet, and high stress, I have developed a nasty head cold. It doesn’t stop me from doing anything strenuous, but it would be better if I weren’t sneezing so much. Now is the time to take a time out and get well.

Day 329

I was promised something on this day, and waiting for it is distressful. I spent a large portion of the day sleeping and putting off my responsibilities as an enslaved person.

I am still sneezing and wheezing.

Day 330

I am staying inside on this cold and lazy Sunday.

It is the eve of winter vacation from the kids’ school, and I look forward to the much-needed rest. I will only have a little time to rest mentally, but physically I could do some work.

I began a squat and cardio routine along with daily kip stretching and rotations. The beginning of this is still to be determined due to surmounting woes. One of my nostrils has reopened to make living easier. Overall, living isn’t easy.

Day 331

Countdown to a week’s vacation mainly spent indoors.

This morning I considered beginning squats and cardio but opted out because of a small excursion I had planned to take to retrieve some last-minute shopping and light groceries.

Nothing is more satisfying than filling an order for half of my heart.

Day 332

A good night’s rest is all I needed to wish I had five more hours to sleep in.

This morning was cold but not as cold as it has been in the past. My arms were hard to warm up, causing me to, again, reconsider doing any movement-based fitness. I did, however, walk about town getting this and that. That and this could be needed for the long break since we’re expected to be kept indoors with expected harsh weather.

I don’t have many plans when that time comes, but I’ll go with the flow.

Day 333

Mid-week anxiety is upon me, and I want to get to Friday in one piece.

I have not been doing anything in the fashion of personal fitness in the past few days, and I’ve been only stretching during The Twilight Zone and nothing else. Shuck it to what’s to come in the days ahead.

Day 334

I knew this was coming.

As I’ve said, something was coming in the days ahead. And that winter break will be accompanied by crazy cold weather. I must go about my usual rounds and get whatever treats will last while we’re indoors. I am very thankful that I no longer thirst for artificial spirits, and that shit would have gotten me sicker than I already am.

Day 335

I just walked over 20,000 steps, and my feet are tired.

I’m serious. My feet have gone through a beating. But that doesn’t matter. As with everything, I have to power through this because I have to go the fuck back out and get the shit I fucking forgot to write down!

It’s okay, but at least I’m getting my steps in.

Day 336

Finally, the beginning of vacation has arrived!

Today is the eve of the birth of a normal baby. The kids are excited and know nothing about Christmas, and I am not surprised. The most important thing is that they’re happy, even more so that they have presents to open and time to spend with each other.

Day 337

The day is here, and it went as smoothly as my bowel movements.

Time was mainly spent lying about, playing with toys, and enjoying my little ones before they grow up.

Day 338

I ventured out into the cold to feed a craving, and it did not disappoint.

Many things occurred during this arctic excursion of district 12.

I went to my local drugstore to acquire cheesed puffs but was shocked to find that other great minds in my area think alike and was greeted by empty shelves that were puff-less. No matter; I had other business at hand.

Then there was the purchasing of lottery games that I have been programmed to believe I can win based on probability. It has happened in the past but damn, if not now, then when?

The last stop was a burger restaurant where previous occupants seemed to only stay for a year. So I wanted to give them a try, and holy shit, it did not disappoint. Depending on what I eat, it feels like my stomach is bottomless. This meal filled me up, but I swallowed it so fast that I only enjoyed the fries before they had gotten fully cold from the walk home.

I’ll have another chance to try other items on the menu eventually.

Day 339

Home.

Inside, warm and safe. Still struggling to find a new routine to settle on. My mind has not been where it should be, and I dislike it more than I express in words.

Day 340

A day without the 3rd child running about the house is where I can do more than I usually could when they’re here.

Halfway through winter break and the cold has broken. Warmer days are ahead with rain. Better than snow.

Day 341

Just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in.

The truth is, I caused this to happen to me, and I have no one else to blame but myself. Another day of critical thinking put my system into shock.

Day 342

This day disguised itself as the beginning of the weekend when it was just only a Friday. Refreshments of past memories and what I seek in the future were reflected. A change will come.

Day 343

On this eve of the new year, I had hoped for other things to come to an end.

I search for a new beginning in job posts, liters of water, and how many steps I take in a day. Nothing beats desperation more than the need to die fighting for survival and then live a long empty purposeless life when changes can be implemented.

Day 344

Woke up this morning to the same old, same old. Kids were playing and screaming. I was soaked in sweat and weighted down by my blanket. And being 186 pounds.

186 pounds. That’s not the lowest I’ve been or anywhere near my goal, but it’s what I was last month that brought me a profound shock. I was 202, and similar to now didn’t look like it. How I lost this amount of weight within a month was different from how you’d think.

I was sick, primarily with worry, and I couldn’t eat what I should have eaten for proper nourishment. I drank only water and coffee not to become dehydrated or sicker than I already was. At the rate of things, my weight and other habits are not showing signs of varying.

This new year means nothing to me other than my kids turning another year and my inability to rid myself of the worst mistake I’ve made.

My goal of exorcising demons is not over, and I am still working toward a silent goal beyond my body.

Day 345

It’s the last vacation day, and I am perfectly fine with that.

This past week with the kids has been lovely. We could not go out or had any reason to go out primarily due to the weather, but we had fun playing games and reintroducing ourselves to a past favorite. I was eight years old all over again, showing this to my six 1/2-year-old.

My mornings have been rough waking up. The troubles have continued to flood my mind with invisible worry until what I wrought long ago has ended. Although it is near its literal end in the coming days, I have had this feeling of finality before, only for it to be pissed on.

Day 346

First day home alone, all I wanted to do was sleep.

I didn’t, in any case. I cleaned and repaired fixtures that could only be done when alone. Getting back into the habit of waking early was relatively easy, but figuring out what I wanted to do with that time again was.

I did stretch because I haven’t been performing them daily, but I do them every other day or when I feel like it. I have chosen to take on challenges within another app that looks promising, and I want better focus and control before I proceed.

Day 347

I love the feeling of my clothes soaked in sweat.

No, I don’t. I don’t.

That’s my life, in any case. What also is my life is insufficiency that transcends into the digital world. I still have not begun any fitness routine that will tone my body since my rapid weight loss at the end of the previous year. The hardest part is not to gain it back but to transform it into the proper gain I seek.

I will find it.

Day 348

My habit of abusing monetary life affairs is coming soon to a close. I cannot fathom what I did in my life to cause this. Until then, I have chucked it up to bad luck or misinterpretation of the facts, but I can just be labeled an idiot.

Days into the new year, I haven’t been doing anything remotely related to body wellness. The new year doesn’t always mean a new beginning.

Day 349

Gutted.

Nothing is working out in my favor now that I have been rung dry, and I now see the true faces of those who surround me and have thought to be in favor of my well-being. This Friday isn’t one to thank god about this time around.

Day 350

The weekend is here, and I am relieved I do not have to venture outside in the cold. It’s not as frigid as in other areas, but the rest is rest.

Nothing beats family time by watching a favorite by one of my little ones, The Ice Cream Man. Let the creepiness commence.