Falling, Six Feet Under

No introduction will be made for this. It’s dumb as hell and makes it look like I enjoyed pain? I wasn’t hugged enough.

Falling so way
Way down
That there ain’t no way I’m gonna get back up
Beaten and bloody from it
I roll on my back
Blinded by the light
I look up to the
Once large now small hole
That I fell though
And feel the pain of your love once again

Pain,
That time when I felt your love
For the first time
How soft and wet and warm it was
So, so painful
You were the one
The only one that I wanted this feeling from
Cuz if someone else gave it to me
I wouldn’t know what to do
You know why?
You’re one in million
Nothin on this earth like it
Not a damn thing like it

Pain,
That time when we were far into each other
Each other’s minds
Each other’s bodies
Each other’s souls
Without words you knew what to do
And with that first hit
Feeling the blood run down and across my lip
The second hit
The throbbing pain on my cheek
And the third, the forth…
I clench my jaw tightly
As your cold, wet hands gently squeeze my life into nothing
Breathin hard, hot gasps of your love for me
Seein black
Your face spiraling farther and farther into the darkness
Experiencing the euphoria…
Breathless…
Fucking…breathless

Pain,
Of the cuts made by you
And bruises made by you
I can’t believe it took so long
For me feel this free
This loved
The years, months, weeks and days
Of stupid and inane minutes of wasted time
I wasted my fucking life
My entire fucking life of waiting for the right one
The right goddamn one to come
And give me what I wanted
What I dissevered
The pain that love is
Love is not the words “I love you”
Love is not that soft and wholesome shit on television and in movies
Love is the pain that you feel when
Your Mother slaps you on the face
Because you were bad or for no reason at all
Love is the pain that you feel when
Your Father ignores you, hardly even acknowledging you
Love is the pain that you feel when
Your “lover” leaves you on the curb without reason
Beaten and battered
Emotionally, never physically
Love is the pain that can be purely unimaginable
Because that’s the pain I feel when I’m with you

Pain,
It’s when it gets too much
Or sometimes too little
The pain that I have is nothing
Like the pain that I never wanted
I found out something
Something so…bad
So un-pristine from what I really am
I…I can’t feel anymore
I can’t feel the pain you give me anymore and it hurts
It hurts
I want something stronger
Something thicker
Something more, more…harder
I want to bleed without stopping
I want to see black in all four corners
I want to move beyond the freedom nobody else has
I want to breathe smoke

Looking up at the bright light,
The hole that I fell though,
Waves of more bright light cascades
Closer and closer to me
But I don’t see the light anymore
But a hand wanting to take me
Back up to the surface
Now, I don’t feel your pain
Now, I want to discuss earth after touring hell
Touring my own hell
That will never freeze over.

© 2002 DiRtY