More Internal Than External Part 1
Wow, my first chapter series that I made to debut my skills, of writing a story, on some FanFiction site. This was inspired by Korn and the album “Issues”. Damn do I remember watching Total Request Live preimering the music video for “Falling Away From Me” and chooseing the fan made art that was that albums cover. Wow. What a feeling that was.
This is in parts and will be be posted as such! NOTHING has been edited for grammar.
Pt. 1 – Be there for me
By DiRtY
“…Can’t somebody help me…” were the words that blasted out of my handheld CD player and also out of my mouth. I was walking nonchalantly down the noisy street that I always take on my way to school. Strange stares pass me by without the will of pride, but I ignore them as if I were the disabled one. “…I need somebody…someone…” again came out of my player, then me. “One more block” I thought in my head, as always for the past 2 years. Being a high school sophomore, the tedious work of getting up in the morning to be a god given waste of space was the least of my life. It was just hard enough to get up. As I walked into school, to go down stares to my locker, I meet some familiar faces. “Good Morning Ms. Turso” I said, greeting her with a warm smile. She said nothing. I still proceed to my locker. “Don’t you start, don’t you do it!” I said to myself, feeling the warmth that was growing in the depths of my throat and chest. Before I went to my locker, as always I check to see if there are any teachers absent. “Well I’ll be a rats ass,” I say aloud to myself. “None of my fucking teachers are ever absent!! What the fuck are they? Robots?” I say even louder so other students can hear. Angry and tired, I throw down my book bag on the floor and open my locker. “No one is ever absent! NO ONE!” I said again.
As I finish packing whatever books I need for the first 4 periods, I look around to see if any of my friends are around. As always they never are. Never. “It’s ok, it’s gonna be ok. They’ll be here soon.” I say to myself in my head, fighting back the tears.
“They’ll never come!! They don’t like you! You’re a loser, just like your entire family!” said the horrible voice in my head. “They all know your dirty little secret and they’ll never talk to you ever again!” “NOOOO!! Please not now!” said silently, my eyes watered with sadness. “I don’t want to start like this. Please just go away!” I said, pleading with my mind. “I just want to go through the day without you! GO AWAY!!” I shut my eyes tightly for a moment and opened them again, it was gone, but not for long. I wiped the fresh tears off of my face and began up the stairs to my homeroom floor.
It was too early in the morning for anyone to be around homeroom now, as it always was. I sat and waited as always for others to gather and for my homeroom teacher, Mr. Peros to come 1 minute before the later bell to open the door. As time passed, people gathered, ready to start the day. My friends greeted me, they were up and alive, but I was down and dead. I was too weak to answer, fearing that the next word to come out my mouth would start me crying again. So I nodded my head, a sure way of saying “hey”. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling ok?” asked Jordan, one of my friends. I wandered my eyes away from his so the he wouldn’t see the tears. “Yeah, I’m ok” I said. But in my head, I wished I could tell him. His faced showed that he was really worried, but it didn’t stop me from lying again. “ I’m fine! Don’t worry about me!” I said in a quick haste. I had a sense that I hurt him, in a way I did, but it didn’t stop me.
I looked down the hall and saw Mr. Peros running down the hallway as fast as he could to get to his homeroom class. I gave Jordan a quick “later” before hurrying with my teacher to our destination. “Hello! Hello! Good Morning everyone. I hope you’ve had a good weekend.” He said always with a smile. “A good weekend?” I thought to myself. I sighed and wished I had one of those, ever. I looked around the classroom and saw others engaging in their own conversations. I fight back the lump in my throat, and put on my headphones for the ten minutes that I have left of HR. Korn, the gift that I was more that happy to receive, the great one brandishing my CD player. My one and only favorite song “Dirty” was playing. I was very generous to turn it up, drowning up the ranting and ravings of my noisy HR classmates. “Keep knocking, no ones there…” Ahhh, the confession to my crime. But as the bastard time would have it, it was time for Math class.
To Be Continued…