More Internal Than External Part 3
Pt. 3 – It’s Gonna Go Away
As the last two classes passed, I still was unable to stop crying. I had lunch next, where all my friends would be. Before I went to join them to discuss the first half of our days and mostly nothing, I went to the bathroom to wash my face. To wash the shame that they could see all over me. No matter how hard I tried, it would never come off. I splashed water on my face again, to wash away the new tears that began to flow. I grabbed a cloth from the disposal and wiped it all away. “Calm down now. You’re going to be with your friends. You don’t want to show them, do you?” I said to myself. “No, no. Oh god no.” I responded back.
When I was done, I gathered all of my things and headed for the special area that my friends and me claimed as our territory. “Hey guys,” I said with a faint smile. They all responded back with the usual, “What’s up”, I liked it when they did that. My friends were literally guys. They consisted of three of them-Jordan, Robert, and Guillermo. As a girl, I would be considered to be very lucky to have three smart, handsome, funny guys as my friends, but I’m not the lucky type. I never ate at lunch and neither did they. It was a social call everyday for us, meet-and-greet.
I was deafeningly silent and they all noticed. They know how I get sometimes and usually leave me alone, but this time they didn’t. I saw from the corner of my eye that Guillermo was looking at me strangely, I prepared myself for a question. “Yo Chris” he began. I turned to look at him, “Yeah?” “Are you ok? You don’t look so good” he said with a caring face. I fail to realize a great amount of times that when I cry a lot, my eyes swell and turn a beet red, making my face look pale and cold. “I’m just feeling a little sick, that’s all.” I said with the familiar sound of the choking back tears that they were all too familiar with. They knew I was lying, but they also knew they couldn’t help me. He and the others held a face full of despair for me, wishing they could fix me, make me better. The bell rang for the next class to meet. We all had the same class, so we all went up together. Time to venture to the wonderful world of Chemistry. Buckle up your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride…
“I wonder what you got on this test? 30? 20? Oh I hope it’s another 16 like you got on the other Chemistry test, you worked so hard for it!” said the voice in my head. I closed my eyes again, now the expression on face was what looked to strain, I was about to prevent another Niagara. But I failed, and I began to cry again. This time the voices were louder and even worse than before. I tried to think of another song to sing, nothing. Then it hit me-“I can’t take no more, what are we fighting for? You are my brothers, each one I would die for”. It made me think of the guys, I loved them that much to never forget them.
“I have the results for your tests” Ms. Jermot said with the menacingly sickening face that I hated to see everyday. She enjoyed it when the class failed, she loved it when I failed…I had gotten a 39 on that test. I can hear the laughing…
The Conclusion Awaits…