Exorcising Demons With ID! Days 601 to 650
Day 601
The only way to describe how my day started is with one word:
Emesis
I got up the time I’d always get up. I got my water and got on with it. Into the last bottle, a bubble that had channeled through my insides brought it churning, and I nearly puked up water brash. I got the droolies, and the show almost started. I stopped it somehow. It shook the fuck out of me. So I lay in bed until my last alarm.
The day followed the same recipe. But I’m here. I get to read a book with my son every day. What more can I ask for? More edibles. Yeah. Right.
Day 602
I’m going to be getting back at it very soon.
The rest was necessary because I was under considerable stress, body and mind. I’ve gotten my rest routine in place, so now it’s time to sweat again to my mute princess as I listen to audiobooks.
Day 603
This is the end. Of the fucking week, THE END.
It’s been that kind of week. Nothing is more satisfying than knowing I’ll catch up on sleep I don’t need, watching movies I won’t see, and going out to places that don’t exist. The weekends are a luxury that I basked in while I was unemployed. You’d think that being jobless was painless. You’re a quarter glued to the floor, helpless. It’s only been a few months, and I wouldn’t say I like much more about the place. I can’t let go of my authentic self, or it will all fall apart.
Day 604
Saturdays will always be my favorite day of the week. So many great memories are made on these days. As you age, the trend shifts to accommodate your life and the people in it. My Saturdays are scheduled for cooking and cleaning when my body says it’s over. See, the fun never stops.
Day 605
After a short pause, exercise in the mornings will resume tomorrow. It’s not that I bought yet another accessory used to exercise that I probably won’t use right away anyway, but I need to move. It could be my lady parts being the biggest asshole in a room with a youtube influencer, but I think I’m getting fat and need to do squats until I cry. My mute dancing queen has returned to me in a replay of the 30-day New Year’s Challenge, which I’ve previously completed without any issues. Working out my arms is still on the list; it’s all just a matter of time.
Day 606
This morning was great!
Not so much the weather, though.
In both instances, I got a little wet.
Day 607
Flipping the script up this morning. Due to various pains caused to the body that are not entirely my fault, I started the day late but still did shit.
It was squats and arms along with weights. It wasn’t bad; it was less than 15 minutes total, and I’ll try doing that every other day. Especially the squats. I always fear them, but when it comes down to it, they’re fucking tight.
Day 608
My body is in pain for the obvious reasons. No up and at em was performed today. I got a workout either way with my new boots that are stiff as all fuck and have no cushioned support at all. But I look cute.
Day 609
Another extremely late start to the morning. It was mostly because I didn’t want to get up to drink water, lol. I was also thirsty; my throat was dry, but I wanted to lay in bed a little longer. I eventually got up and did squats. Yesterday, I told myself it was a rest day when, in reality, it was just me being lazy and slightly depressed. Plus, it’s getting close to the time I need to bring out the weighted blanket again. It solves everything.
Day 610
Squats were the only thing I got to do. It did it’s job, and I got to sweatin’. I didn’t wear my cool as all fuck boots because I didn’t realize they had zero support. Not that I felt immense effects from this, but I need to get insoles to protect myself. Onward to a busy day of all work and no play. Play is for later.
Day 611
Ah, Saturyay!
The fuck? That was embarrassing. Forget you read that first line. The only thing to look forward to this weekend is wind and rain. It is a great time to spend either sleeping or watching movies. I’ll do both, thanks!
Day 612
Whoa there! Don’t go full lazy Sunday like that. Someone could get hurt.
I slept a lot this morning. I went to bed normally and drifted off as I always do. Woke up the normal times to drink water and sleep. Bathroom, then sleep. Chat on the phone for a few, then sleep. Once it reached 11 o’clock, it was time to stop fucking around and get up. At present, I’ve done most I set out to do today. I watched a movie with the boys, cooked something, set our clothes out for tomorrow, and bathed. There are more things I need to tackle, and they’ll all be done before bed.
Looking forward to another week of work and workout adjustments.
Day 613
The weekends always are the recharge I need to have a good day, at the very least, on Monday.
I’m getting back into just doing squats and some work with weights, targeting mainly my arms. I have no clue where it’ll all go from here. At least I’m up doing something. The remainder of the day was busy with work and home things that can only be tackled after work. I am beginning to forget what place anxiety ever had in my life.
Day 614
It’s only been two days, and my arms are sore as fuck! Squatting is getting better. Adding the weights to the mix is making things speed up. What things? Just things. I don’t see myself adding an insane amount over 20. I am crazy, though, so that could change.
Day 615
Rest rest rest
That’s what I got to do this morning. It was part of the squat routine, so it had to be taken. My arms are still sore from the two days previous. All will resume tomorrow with one slight adjustment.
Day 616
I almost didn’t do it. I almost didn’t get up and do the thing. I did, though, late. It felt good to do. My arms aren’t as bad as they were earlier this week. Squatting only gets better when it’s insufferable. And I am going to suffer.
Speaking of suffering, my feet are fucked! I’ve finally broken down and gotten a foot message because I don’t have Kenny to do it. I hope I don’t get a rise out of this machine that’s intentionally supposed to hit the pleasure points of my lower phalanges.
Day 617
Damn, what a day.
A wet-ass ass day. Thankfully, we came out okay for now. I was tired most of the day, which mostly contributed to the weather. We had pizza at the office. It wasn’t a bad day at work, though. It got done, and things in between.
Squats are back with an added five seconds of pain. Arms has added chest to the chat. They’re just sending eggplant, open mouth, and water drop emojis. Being hungry and thirsty is never a good thing.
Day 618
Saturdays come with a price. You pay with the time you wish you had, doing what you wish you didn’t have to do. Sleep was a blessing until I had my fill. I did some chores before my visitor arrived. It took a hit of instant chill for me to feel a space cadet. Let’s not forget the light post-nasal drip and sinus pressure that made a guest appearance. Did I rest? That’s for me to decide.
Day 619
I got an amazing rest! I went to sleep a little later than usual on any other day, but I laid my ass in bed until 11. Considered doing squats. The day is early so that still might happen. Ordered some takeout, played my lottery for the week, spoke to Honeycomb, and found a nugget in my shoe.
What a day.
Day 620
What a day! It dragged ass!
As usual, I also dragged my ass out of bed to drink water and then squat. It’s getting better. I’m still sweating, though less than I did with Mute Mary. I’ll get back to her later. The good thing about the squats is that it’s only 21 days, barely a month, and I’m almost done with it. It feels good getting only those in for now. Later, it’s gonna get crazy.
Day 621
The sleep that blanketed my body almost got the best of me, but I got my ass up!
There wasn’t much of an option. I have a rest day that’s on Thursday, so why punk out now? I don’t plan on doing shit on the weekend that involves any form of work. I have been behind on movies, and I need my fix.
Squats are still making my pores scream like the bitches they are. Weights can remain in the chat.
Day 622
Well, shit. I took a rest today on hump day to get some affairs in order in the morning. Getting work done while everyone else is asleep is the best. It’s not like I don’t get a version of a workout during the day. Tomorrow, I will resume the usual squats and weights.
Day 623
I just didn’t have it in me today.
My feet and legs were too fatigued to do anything beyond walking in the house until it was time to go. I didn’t look forward to putting on shoes either. Today is going to be a long day either way, on my feet and off.
Day 624
The office has a different type of vibe when it rains.
Nothing too crazy. I wish the phones would eat a dick with cheese sometimes. I would get my tasks done so much faster. Whatever, it can wait until I get to it the next day. Everyone wanted to go home, as per usual. Hopefully, I’ll get to what I’ve meant to get to this weekend: up to no good.
Day 625
The only thing I have to do today is chill. Read, crochet, watch TV, and nap. I don’t have to cook. I ordered takeout. Last night, I got my foot massager a few days earlier than expected. It’s awesome as fuck. There’s a big difference in how they feel compared to last week.
Didn’t wake up a billionaire.
Didn’t wake up a millionaire, either.
Soon though.
Day 626
Today I HIT IT!
Nothing crazy. Pressed play on the long pause from squats, but put weights on pause again. After the pain from not doing it for so long put me through, I punked out and didn’t want that smoke. Things have been stuck on a TV station only playing static lately. It probably has to do with me bleeding again, like a bitch. Whatever, get it over with.
Day 627
I didn’t do shit this morning. Was it because I didn’t want to do anything, or was I tired of what I was doing? It’s a mystery. Free will is a fantastical illusion. Still tired from yesterday, I will be rewarded with another reason to be exhausted.
Day 628
Mornings where I realize I turned my watch off and wake up to no alarms is always fun as all fuck. It is a great way to start the day. Late mornings aren’t so bad. I push along harder and faster than I should, only because I’m slow as shit, and I don’t want to do it. But, that’s me.
I’m fucking tired of doing squats alone. I will consider doing them after a real workout to get extra squats. I miss that time sweating before work rather than on my way to work. I’m noticing that I’m getting a belly back, and I don’t know where the fuck it came from. Honestly, I miss my smiling, mute princess. I need more of her in my life.
Day 629
This morning was a struggle. I knew that I wasn’t going to exercise. Seeing how my week has been trending, I came to the decision, to begin with doing my normal playlist of monkey see, monkey do workouts.
Also, the night before I wrecked myself cooking three meals in the kitchen. I was so tired afterward that I didn’t want to do a damn thing but go to sleep. That eventually happened after 11 p.m., a time I hadn’t gone to bed in a long time. Some things put me on edge, too. Mom related bullshit. I couldn’t put it out of my mind that it carried over to today, fucking up my chill. Work wasn’t as bad, at least.
Day 630
I got up late but ready for the day and tonight’s events.
The best part of the day was that it was going to be an early one. Going into the city was fun, as always. I had fun meeting the other “family” members and putting faces to names. I caught up with an old college mate, laughed at many jokes, and drank lots of water. Lots of yelling over music lol.
Day 631
It’s a cold and rainy Saturday, but that’s okay. We had a visitor, expectedly. Most of what I wanted to get to, I got to. Now my head is spinning with things I could do next, and it’s fucking putting me on edge. I should take a nap. Or crochet. Or watch Game of Thrones. SEE?!
Day 632
I ended up doing none of that shit.
Today was geared up to be just as bad as yesterday. In my head, that is. Rest in the morning was easy; it’s when I have to get up and do things that make shit complicated. It all gets done, and nothing is left for tomorrow. A short list is made, and everything gets checked off for the day. I don’t need to wring myself dry over tasks that waste time.
Day 633
Up and at em! When the hell I feel like it, of course.
I wasn’t going to rush things this morning. It started out bright and early, with no chance of rain. Any exercise I had planned on getting into was skipped for logical reasons. Hating the way my body works is old news. I can hate not doing something because of something else. I don’t need to explain myself to me. Those wing flats for thighs that I want are still on the menu. Prepare your bibs and wet napkins with tender meat falling off the bone and sweet, sticky sauce to make you scream for more.
Day 634
Nothing better to do than lay my ass in bed for no good damn reason. Shit, that’s a lie. I had a reason. Whether it was good or not is left to determine. I foresaw that I didn’t need the added stress on my body when it would be pushed more than it has. My mind is still in this fogged state. I can shake it off with tending to myself a little more. I’ve been lacking in that department. I’m not worried about it.
Day 635
It was already determined the night before how this morning was going to begin. Violently farting.
Finding the reason to get up to do the work I need to keep this lard body in decent shape for my spiritual age of 41 is not as easy as I thought it would be. I’m not too far away from changing my attitude around. This dumb ass kangaroo pouch is back, I think, and it looks like fucking shit. I haven’t looked at my legs yet. That’ll piss me off even more. I am a mess, all right.
Day 636
Work, of all kinds needs to get done.
At this stage, where I am physically and mentally being pulled from all sides, the stress and anxiety I would be experiencing would be so overwhelming that I would be losing my shit. I don’t stress anymore about a damn thing. It shows in my body, though. I am still tight as fuck in my abdominal area, thankfully. Enough laying around and back to getting up at 4 a.m. to sweat like a pig. And I know just what I’ve got to do, and it’s got to be soon.
Day 637
Today is the same as it always is on these days, fucking slow.
There is relief on the horizon. So much to get to at my own pace. Maybe sit down and watch a movie with the kids, finally. I got this weekend in the bag.
Day 638
Early as early gets for me on Saturday morning is the right time to start the day. One by one, each of my tasks was checked off to enjoy an afternoon with the kids. I bought myself a wonderful game and played it. This day wasn’t phoned in. I fucking killed it.
Day 639
An undecided day.
I made plans to do this when I’d rather make plans to do that. I did do the thing, and then the other thing. So it’s not like I didn’t do anything, just not how I do things. Look, I’m relaxing, as I should, and will get back to getting more toned for the coming winter. Tomorrow might be a long shot. I’m betting on black.
Day 640
lol, I didn’t do shit.
What I am doing, though, is retraining myself to wake up at an early hour again.
I hit the snooze because it’s the right thing to do. And it’s perfectly healthy. I am tired, that’s a fact. I am driven more than ever to begin again. Winter is coming, even though the temperature outside is not the way it should be for this time of the year. I’m working on it
Day 641
Did I mention that I’m working on it?
It’s going to take some time until I get that fire again. In the beginning, the stress of it all came together so fast. Then, I felt I needed to get my footing. All I needed to do was learn how to manage my time better. There’s always that fucking reset button that becomes a distraction. More of the same tomorrow!
Day 642
The real struggle is figuring out what to do with the time I would be exercising while getting things ready for the day. I take my sweet fucking time mostly, and that shit needs to stop. I used to get up, drink water, stare into nothing, exercise, meal prep the lunchboxes, cool down, and then leave.
Soon.
Day 643
I’m not feeling it yet, but I know I am tired.
The weather has been topsy-turvey, with temperatures within spring/summer highs. It’s not bad. It’s not good either. The only thing to do is to keep moving. I’m gearing up for that thing. What was it again? Oh yeah, exercising.
Day 644
The week has been such a blur. I didn’t even know yesterday was payday. The morale in the office is weird, but I’m weirder. The plus was that I started my morning with Through The Looking Glass, one of the best arthouse pornographies I have seen. But the week couldn’t have ended fast enough, in my opinion. I have the night to look forward to. Tonight, the kids and I watch a made from video game movie that looks as shitty as the game itself. Other things this weekend will be filled with things I want to do and things I do not want to do. Let’s see which list wins!
Day 645
Sat her day.
Unlike last week, my time sleeping in was cut short because I needed to clean before someone’s arrival. That’s no big deal. It needed it, but not intensely. As soon as I got out of bed, it was getting fucked up time, and all I wanted to do was sleep. That I did, before and after they left. I knew I didn’t have to cook.
Other tasks that relate to relaxing could have been done more but had the right amount of attention. I started a new book, nonfiction, that is not surprising in the history that it portrays. I may potentially see it in the theaters. With a run time of over three and a half hours and intermissions deemed illegal to movie studios, it’s up in the air.
There is another movie tonight. The movie that came out two years before Five Nights is Willy’s Wonderland. I have not heard great things about this movie. I’ll be glad to get it off the list and that the kids get to witness Nickloas Cage for the first time.
Day 646
Wow, that movie was shit. So many things wrong with it. It felt like one of those movies I’d watch at 3 a.m. during the summer as a kid.
It’s raining today. Nothing much to do other than the parade that we were going to walk in. We start ten minutes away from the house and then come back home. We never do the things that are in the park when it ends. It’s always so crowded and not worth waiting in lines for. It’ll be beginning soon, and I have a feeling we’re going to skip it. I’m in my shit right now and don’t want to do much of anything.
Day 647
I won’t begin my routine today. I am still training myself to get up at 4:30 a.m. Now, I need to start getting up at 4:15 to chug down a liter of water before I work out. You don’t rush things like this. I’m glad I haven’t gained much from the last time I weighed myself.
Day 648
Pain. Pain. Pain.
There’s been pain in my ankles and feet for the longest time than I’d like to admit. I thought getting a massager would ease it more than it’s been a nuisance, but I fear there are other underlying issues that I’m ignoring for the sake of not having the time to address them. Adding to the list of executive dysfunctions.
It’s Halloween, and I’m glad I made it to the end of the day in one piece. My sanity is never the same after any long day. A movie will help make the day go away.
Day 649
Middle of the week, and I still don’t have a fucking clue what to do. All I know is that I’ll get my time to rest and relax in due time. Waking up to think about exercise is getting frequent. That is progressive. At least I didn’t quit sniffing glue.
Day 650
Crazy isn’t the word for today. It’s imperious. The day I answer to no one will soon come. I still need to listen to myself and my body, though. It could either be bloat or that I’m packing on the pounds again around my tummy and thighs yet again. Why am I shitting myself? I am. I totally am. Look, it’s been a rough few weeks. Ideas about this and that have crossed my mind to the point where I am going to get my ass up to exercise again.