Exorcising Demons With ID! Days 651 to 700
Day 651
Finally, one quiet day. I was able to complete a majority of my tasks with relief, knowing I wouldn’t have additional things to do from outside parties. It is noticeable when the authoritative air clears out of the room and into another universe. Sometimes, you’d wish it would just stay there and never come back. Anyway, more of the same shit next week.
One thing will change soon. That is a guarantee.
Day 652
I picked the right weekend to fuck around and find out what 100mg of THC feels like. Bombarded with household tasks that I couldn’t avoid, riding that tide of liquidity wasn’t as much of a challenge as I thought it would be. I was on the moon, a very lovely moon. I got to read and clean all that needed to be cleaned. Unexpectedly, my day was almost ruined by a request to travel on mass transit for a quick meet-up. I strongly suggested that it be the next day because the beat hadn’t dropped yet, as well as all the shit I needed to do.
Time was spent with the kids, a time I take very seriously.
Day 653
So, do you like monkeys, yes or no?
The government loaned us an hour and me the restart that I needed. Hour after hour, I hit the snooze button from 4 a.m. until 9 a.m., when I needed to get up and get ready to travel. I didn’t want to do any of it, but I always make sure I get a treat. The biggest treat was beginning a new book. Always exciting.
Another review was done in deciding what I would do early in the morning instead of staring into the nothingness of my mind when I could be working on my glutes and traps. Beginning slowly at first and then increasing it to plateau once again. My mute ballerina and I will be meeting again soon.
Day 654
I can’t get a break!
As always, today began with a false start. The day when I have an insane number of things to do, only to forget that I can’t do them all in one day. I feel accomplished in what I was able to complete, and that’s the important part.
There were a few moments where I felt pure joy in the good news that was shared with me. Time for myself was cut short before bed, and I wasn’t very happy about it. Thankfully, I only took it out on myself and no one else.
Tomorrow will be copy and paste.
Day 655
Making it a habit of not getting the fuck up and telling myself I don’t want to go to work sounds great in my head. It even sounds amazing said out loud. I’ll have to keep it below a whisper until something substantial happens.
Day 656
Would you believe me if I told you that more of the same from yesterday happened today?
I want nothing more than to think that tomorrow is that day. Then the next, and the next. But it doesn’t seem to be working out that way. My worst enemy is myself, and this bitch needs to stop playing.
Day 657
The day turned into night. I’m just fucking glad it’s over, and I and my friends can talk about an awesome fucking movie for two hours.
Day 658
Looking forward to enjoying the weekend doing jack fucking shit, getting high as fuck, cooking, watching movies, and listening to audiobooks as I clean and do puzzles!
Day 659
And I did just that. I didn’t sleep in too late. Saturdays are different. This one gets another break from “acting normal.” It’s about time I sat and watched a new movie. The first is one I randomly picked from Cathode TV, Virgin Witch. The other is one I’ve put off for a long time because of all the dumb hype it got. I love action, and now it’s time to see what all the talk was about.
Day 660
I can’t get over the fact that it’s gotten this far. I’ve had my good days and bad days. Days where I looked forward to the progress I’d made and days where I struggled to find inspiration to keep going. Sometimes I am selfish and don’t want to do shit like now. I’ll get back on something and get straight once again.
Movies were watched and time was well spent. That sinking feeling that the weekend is ending to begin a new work week dropped like atom bomb that is is. I was laughing, having a good time. Then it showed up. Now everything dead.
Day 661
I tried, but that horizontal sensation hit different when you don’t give a shit.
Electricity fills this week with many unknowns. I just want it to reach Friday so everyone can move on with their lives.
Day 662
Tuesday evening, in the middle of my salad, I sit in my life-sized vivarium, puzzled at what the notification could be that danced out of my phone. I pick it up and see it is Honeycomb. He’s wide awake like an infant who farted themselves awake during their 5th nap of the day. I tell him privately that he needs to go back to sleep. He proceeds. I decided to write.
This morning, I had a change of plans. I stayed in bed until five a.m. for absolutely no reason at all. Well, maybe I did have a good reason. My legs are bloated, maybe? I don’t know. I just fucking know I need to get back at it! Enough of this bullshit! It’s time to bring on the pain.
Day 663
We’ll be right back after this dissociation break.
I have a plan, and I’m not being forward. There are tiny problems that have no fuel to grow into bigger ones. Demon-likenesses from Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark. When they’re the afraid and I’m the dark. At this point, I’ll gladly let anything take over. Today was not “quiet.” Sinuses are slapping its fat dick on my third eye, checking its watch not to miss the millisecond I break.
Day 664
I honestly do not recall the time I woke up this morning. I had more reason than ever to get up early to prepare dinner for tonight since it would take a substantial amount of time for it to be complete. It’s worth it.
Today is the eve of my first office gathering, where we all get together and try to put on the happiest faces while stuffing ourselves with food and drinks. I’m just there for the laughs.
Day 665
Laughs were had. Drinks were drunk. A lot. But overall, it was a very nice time. I hope to win the lottery before I have to go to another one again. At the end of the night, I did have a little bit of an upset, and I am not proud of what happened. I knew the elements were going to end in that result. Trial and error.
The weekend will be welcomed without hesitation.
Day 666
And then I remembered I have to record at 9 a.m. And have a visitor. But I was okay, thankfully. The rest of the day came down to having a good time. I had a great time watching wrestling live! So many great performances. Could have had an opportunity to see my first show, but I was a bit slow on the take. Next time.
Day 667
The late night caused me to have a late morning, resulting in a 12-hour bed rest. I have been having tension and stress headaches for the past week, and there was only one thing I knew could fix that or help at least. It did, and I could do most of the things I set out to do and then some. I’m looking forward to the short week and what happens.
Day 668
Whelp, the writing was all over the wall on this one. I was not tired, just lazy, knowing that today would be slow. Not much effort was made into preparing for the day since the biggest task is ensuring my kids have food to take to school in the morning. I wash my face and do whatever my hair is in the mood for, and then I’m good to go. Go out into the cold; there is no choice in the matter.
The will to exercise is still there. Lately, there’s been tightness in my knee, so I’ve remedied it the only way I know how, and that’s with deep squatting and deep breaths to pretend it doesn’t hurt like fuck. I’m getting fat again, people! Let’s fix this!
Day 669
Honorable hump day. The beginning of noting is approaching quickly, and I can do nothing to stop it. Buy more edibles. That’s the ticket!
Day 670
I want to say that today is the last work morning I wake up at 5 a.m. and not exercise. I have my reservations about my will as of late. My doubts of I neither losing nor gaining weight is becoming physical, singing within the fat folds of my knee a tightness that can only be explained as my out-of-shape ass needs to get back to the hard work of feeling the good pain again.
Day 671
Thanks for giving me the ability to cook and the means to cook a damn good simple meal, not sticking to a tradition that isn’t my own but unique enough that it feels right. I had fun the usual way today. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Day 672
Black Fridays aren’t all that bad. The ones where I don’t do one minute of shopping for once are great. Time to clean, read, cook a side dish, watch a little that, and clock the fuck out!
Day 673
This day feels fleeting. I woke up earlier than I usually would. All because of the naps I’ve taken in the past 48 hours. I’m waking up slightly more alert, but I’m not crazy about drinking water that early again. I shouldn’t complain because I need to do it. I’ve been backed up for a few days, and the water slide needs cleaning. To make me feel even more like shit, I took my weight, and I’m crawling closer back to 200. Not happy. Not surprised.
Day 674
I still made the morning count by sleeping in. It was best to do that because we all went out for lunch. My four-day vacation is over, and it’s time to get back at it. Tomorrow, things will begin slowly.
Day 675
And it did begin slowly. Wraut with anxiety and getting more sleep than intended, I woke up hours before I needed to be awake, unable to get back to sleep. So, I skipped whatever the hell I had planned to do. Honestly, I had nothing. I didn’t look at videos the night before or place water by my side to get to chugging right out of R.E.M. sleep. Progress will be made in the evening to prepare for the next day.
Day 676
Ha! Fooled ya!
I had made the progress I spoke of yesterday and did prepare to do something. That changed when I proceeded to have these strange chains of dreams that involved my watch. The vibration from my watch was used to deter some unseen force, causing me to shake my wrist repeatedly to keep it back. Yeah, dumb. I know. I also washed a small batch of clothes last night and went to bed an hour later. The added rest was worth it. Always is.
Day 677
Nope. Not today, either. It could probably be the cold, without a doubt. I am in the mindset. If I do something tomorrow, I’ll let you know.
Day 678
It’s been a weird week. Although it is not over yet, I feel something will go down. It’s probably my knee since it’s been bothering me. It’s mostly been tight, and I have no idea how to remedy that other than not being on it. That’s impossible for me to do. Whatever. I’m not seriously hurt by it. You can bet that tomorrow, this black ass will be back on their bullshit.
Day 679
I had to break out my knee brace. The weather is contributing to this. Well, it’ll all be over soon. The weekend couldn’t be more welcomed. Last week, I was spoiled with four days of bliss. Two isn’t so bad.
Day 680
The weekend is here, and I’m here too. There isn’t much to check in about this day. It’s kind of a rest day. I get to watch wrestling later on. That’s the highlight of it. Tomorrow will be a day full of plans, scheduled and unscheduled.
Day 681
I slept for as long as I could stand it this morning. I had to go shopping, a task I did not want to do or ever do at any given time, but shit needed to be bought now or never. Even I ended up getting something I thought I could do without, but shit, I got it now, and that’s that. With all the rushing and running around, I hate that the time gets eaten away. Later in the evening, my attention gets shifted away from my known pleasures. Tomorrow, that’ll be the day.
Day 682
Another day of not doing shit. I said I was going to do something. And I will. What had changed my mind was a result of yesterday; I needed the added rest to ease a worry away. Now it’s back to my dumb feet hurting again after a brief reprieve. Two steps forward, three steps back.
Day 683
Yeah, nothing will be happening for the next five to seven days, if you catch my drift. I have no problem starting up with the floodgates open. I don’t prefer it.
Day 684
The only thing that remains in my memory of this day is how cold it was. A blast of winter has finally stricken. Trying to remember what I need to finish buying for Christmas is daunting. I like giving. I don’t care at all if I don’t get anything. It’s what I deserve.
Day 685
Stupid-ass Friday Eve.
I made it through whatever kind of day this was meant to be. The cold was immense once again, and I was prepared for it. I have the glee of recording tonight for a movie I did not see. Laughs will be had, oh yes.
Day 686
Finally, Friday.
It was a quiet day, thankfully. Got treated to lunch, which was very nice. I can’t complain; things will get much harder soon. I can feel it. Nah, it’s the holidays. Everyone is clocking out.
Day 687
Wow, I feel like shit.
Body aches, headache, dizziness, fatigue, diarrhea, and edibles. I think I came down with a case of the stomach flu. It sucks, but I feel like I’ll get over it soon. I did eat, although late, I ate. Didn’t get to do everything I wanted, but I got the most important things done. The one thing I looked forward to in the night was watched in a mindless haze that I fell on and off asleep to. Thankfully, I read. I fell asleep during that, too, lol. Tomorrow won’t amount to much either. It won’t matter if I’m better; I gotta keep pushing.
Day 688
Thankfully, I do feel better. I woke up early enough and with the energy to feed myself and the kids. Getting ready for tomorrow is all I look forward to today.
Day 689
Easy does it.
It’s the coldest day so far. Nothing better to do than to stay in bed and think about all the shit I rather be doing. Instead, I went to work. Just as well. I need something to do with myself.
Day 690
I’m fucking playing. The snooze button keeps getting hit after 5 a.m., and it has to stop. I will admit I went to sleep later than usual. It was well worth it. The day was okay and ended that way too. I wish I could have cooked the meal I had intended to. The chance will be had tomorrow evening.
I haven’t forgotten about the main theme that has taken me over six hundred and fifty days to get to where I am now. The desperate need to feel comfortable in my own skin is a constant struggle. Often, more than not, I don’t want to eat. Exercise is painful, especially in the beginning. With my knee being the way it’s been, I find it easy to give up. But I’m not giving up. At this rate, it will become a “top of the new year” deal. So fucking lame.
Day 691
Middle of the week means it’ll all be over soon. I don’t know what to expect, but I know how it will end. Every morning I wake up, I think about beginning again. I gotta get this body moving.
Day 692
With the holidays approaching, all I anticipate is a slowdown. It’ll all be back on the fast track when I least expect it and hate it even more so.
Day 693
Yesterday, some technical difficulties made tasks somewhat difficult. I triumphed and made it through the day. You can never truly tell how stressed you are until you’ve reached the end of the day and physically feel the release. I am glad to share it with someone finally.
Day 694
I did not want to get out of bed. The weekend puts me in a place where everything has to be done with a sense of urgency and secrecy. I intend to do everything I am doing today to rest and recharge tomorrow respectfully.
Day 695
This is my second holiday week where anything could happen. It could be busy, and it could be very slow. I still didn’t get my ass up either way. My weight hasn’t shifted upward, but my need to stretch is evident. It’s all gonna happen soon.
Day 696
Tuesday. That’s all you can say about today. Another day of no pain and no gain. The temperature keeps on getting colder. More so than naught, I crave the pain more and more each day. I’m due for an attitude adjustment.
Day 697
The exchange of gifts in the office took place today. It would have been so much more enjoyable if I didn’t have to keep doing my job. I couldn’t care less, to be honest. The fun was had in the moments I could grab. Got to watch a movie in the highest of states. Tomorrow is another mystery.
Day 698
Just one more day standing in the way of my three-day vacation from work and work only. Being able to tell myself that, and mean it, that 4 a.m. workouts will resume brings warmth to my masochist tendencies. I want the pain to replace the other dumb feelings that plague me as of late.
Day 699
Chaos always erupts on days like these. I don’t care about the results because they are the same for me and me alone. The day I had long anticipated has come and it was as good as I envisioned. Thankfully, I knew enough of the story not to be as heartbroken. I’m glad to have gotten out; it’s been too long since I had that.
Day 700
The eve of the eve. My day began too early for a Saturday but needed to begin the way it did. Managed to get all I would have probably done on Sunday, leaving sleep on the list as the only thing to do.