Who Do I Call To Stop These Ghosts’ Bussing In Me?

This Note To A Friend is my recollection of an episode of He-Man, and how it played out if I was a drug addict turned informant in a 1970s crime drama.

I would be lying if I said I don’t do this often, but there is one person who endures the brunt of my madness when the ghosts’ start bussing crazy shit in me. So I call them up and this is what I say.

So He-Man’s painting his spirit animal, and then he gets a call from that chick who wears feathers. She’s like, ‘Yo come over here. This place is bugging out. I would have flown over there and got you, but you have got to see this.’

He-Man’s like, ‘Yea, okay’ and he goes off with that floating California raisin. They get there, and the electricity is freaking the fuck out. They get inside, and there are mad holographic images being shot out like random monsters and stuff.

He-Man’s like, ‘Yo!! whuthafuq? You okay?’ and she’s like, ‘Yeah. This shits bugges out, right? I think I know who it is.’ So she whispers some mumbo jumbo and this dude in a mirror appears.

He’s like, ‘Aww girl. I knew you’d know it was me. Howyoudoin’?’ and she’s like, ‘What you want man?’ And he goes into some bullshit where he knows that Mumra has like solid gold laserdiscs and he knows where he hides it at Snake Mountain.

So this guy comes shooting out of space on a hover round saying, ‘Iight, I’ll release you from prison, but if you fuck up I’m gonna kill you.’ But he doesn’t really mean it. So that dude in the mirror goes with He-Man to Snake Mountain to get the laserdiscs from Mumra. Mumra is a lazy bastard, just watching from his security cameras, laughing.

So they get in the vault and they find some knock-offs and get trapped in a force field that Mumra just pushed a button to activate. Lazy motherfucker. So that dude remembered he’s like a ghost pretty much and started fucking with Mumra’s head and he…he was freaking out.

Meanwhile, He-Man and his paranoid senior citizen cat get to fight Hairy Dude, JoBecca, and Trapjaw. They get out of it somehow and the ghost dude and the raisin meet up with He-Man and his cat and was like, ‘YOO! Snake Mountain is in those discs so Mumra must have put them under the mountain. Everybody was like okay since we’re here; he hits the floor and then Mumra shows up and is like, ‘THIS IS MOTHERFUCKING SNAKE MOUNTAIN!’ and a big ass snake comes out and He-Man is like, ‘I got this’ and teabagged him while the ghost got the real laserdiscs.

Then they ran the hell out of there, but not before Mumra was like, ‘Ghost dude, let me hook you up if you gimme back my laserdiscs.’ and he’s like, ‘Nah, fuck you.’ Then they went back to grey skull to eat KFC and drink Ballentine’s.

The End